This morning, one of my first thoughts when I woke up,
haha I'm not sure if I'm home free yet, but thank you for the prayers and please continue to pray for me esp. as I go to Taiwan (which reminds me I REALLY need to pack-__-)
Last night I read a note Christiana shared on Faceboook on "Jesus' Love Letter to his Daughters in the Midst of Struggles..." (awesome stuff, gotta share it sometime) and realized how I've been misjudging the Lord my God.
My Father loves me so much that He'd even die for me and did, but all I saw Him during the past couple of days was how He must have looked at me with a critical, judgmental eyes because I'm just failing miserably to meet His standards. But that is a lie of satan because He is much greater than that. We sing, "He is stronger, He is stronger" but sometimes we don't really believe it. And that's insulting to an almighty God who is nothing but good and loving towards His children.
Reading the note really just reassured me of His love and wow it is wonderful to read this truth. We have this gentle and loving Father who sees everything we do from the moment we're born His eyes are fixed on us.
So after posting on here last night I went upstairs to brush my teeth. I was still struggling to be assured of my salvation in Christ and that I was truly a daughter of God even in the midst of my sins. So I thought, "I wish one of the prayer ladies would have told me, 'You're forgiven and a child of God' or something like that at the retreats". Almost as soon as I thought that, I remembered something from Servants retreat '05 (the only other Servants I've been to besides this year's).
After praise, Pastor IJ said that if anyone wants to get prayed for to come up. One of my older sisters put her arm in mine and said, "Let's go get prayed for:)" So we went up together.
We were all standing in a circle with Pastor IJ in the middle as he prayed for each one of us. When he came to me he said, "You're forgiven." If my memory is correct, he didn't say anything specific to anyone else besides that. When we finished, the older sister I went up with asked me, "What did he mean?" and I really didn't know what he was referring to. I took some guesses but in general I thought it was kind of strange and just let it go.
But as I stood there brushing my teeth this memory came back to me and I was just crying as I was brushing my teeth haha. I think the Holy Spirit brought this memory up so that I could stand firm on the fact that I AM a loved daughter in Christ and that I CAN be sure of my identity in Him:)
So with that solid foundation I went to my room and prayed and commanded by the authority Jesus has given to us for satan to get out of here!!!
I also wrote a little note in my journal to my Father telling Him that I loved Him and that He's the best daddy in the whole wide world:)
When I woke up this morning, it felt like everything will be all right. God has given me the ability to overcome all things and He will always love and forgive me because I am in Christ.
I am forgiven.